I forgive but I can't forget

Why is it so hard? Why is it that I can't get over it? Why is people so blind to see what is happening in their life?

To tell the truth, it was really hard to get over this shit of mine. It really was. I may try to forget about it but there are still times that I would be mad about it. Mad of what I let myself in. Mad for letting my already messed up emotions to be messed up again.

Maybe it was my fault for not being able to let go of the past. Don't get me wrong though, I forgive but I just can't bring myself to forget. I know well enough that the only way to find peace and happiness is by learning to let go but obviously I'm terrible at doing so.

It is hard to let go. Letting go of precious memories, letting go of amazing friends, letting go of this anger that was built inside me. It is hard.

I know that in order for me to move on, I first have to let go of something. But how can I just let go of these precious things? *sign sign sign*

Looks like my future ain't gonna be bright any time now -_-

Confused

I'm human, I am bound to get hurt, I'll be jealous too but I am still happy for you. "Friendship", it is one of the most beautiful and amazing thing to have but at some point of it, it could hurt you. When two or more people share a special bond together, they trust them, they share their feelings to them, they share their stories to them but what happens when one of them is different. When I say different I mean in the sense of rarely share her feelings, bottle up her emotions and kept it only to herself. Why you ask me? It maybe because she wants to be independent, she wants to overcome it herself or maybe she is scared too. She is scared to share her thoughts, her story, her emotions to others even though she trust her friends the most. Maybe she is scared to lose her best friends just because of her selfishness. She is scared that her thoughts will hurt them. She is so scared that she rather suffer all the pain and just bottle in up to herself. She rather live everyday with a heavy heart, tears flowing down and kept her unheard feelings to herself. And now she is an idiot, the biggest idiot of all. And the only person to blame is herself. She can only blame herself. She can only blame herself and regret it when others are already living their life, meeting new people, making new friends, creating new memories and all she's doing is to be too caught up with the past. Thinking that things will last like it used too.

School

Here's an essay I did at tution recently. Just wanted to share it with you guys and I hope you will like school just a little bit more but it's okay to hate school a little bit too. Hehehe!

SCHOOL

     Try mention the word "school" to students these days. I am sure that most of them will give you an annoyed groan and not say anything about it. It is clear that most students does not enjoy going to school, not saying that I love going to school, trust me I don't like it too like any normal teenager would. Some teenagers these days even call their school as the prison and that makes the students the prisoners.

     However, without it we would not be a successful person, there would not even be any doctors, lawyers, designers, writers, artist and many more. We would not be able to earn money to feed ourselves and even our family. We would not be able to read the daily newspapers. We would not even be able to count the numbers properly.

     Imagine living in a world where school does not exist. It would definitely be a total chaos. Just thinking about it make you cringe your face doesn't it? School is where we get to learn all sorts of things. From learning our "a,b,c", "1,2,3", how to read and write, how to socialize with others, how to make good use of our abilities to our advantage, it even help us to prepare ourself before we enter the real world where life is not that simple when we become an adult.

     By going to school, we get to meet new people and even get to make friends with others. This is because a school normaly consists of more than 200 students who come from different places, different family backgrounds, and even different race. Students could use it as an advantage to learn more about others and to be able to communicate with others much better in future. I am sure that most students would agree with me that the best thing about going to school is that you get to meet with your friends everyday and talk like there's no tomorrow.

     The school is also the place where students will be given the opportunity to learn new skills. Students could also get to polish their inner talent and put it to good use. Having other skills besides having an intelligent brain could give you an advantage to have a brighter future up ahead. At the same time, it could also boost their confidence which will result to a more positive way of living.

     Discipline is what schools are all about. Some may hate it but it cannot be denied that it has been a huge help for us to become a better person. Every teacher in every school teaches the students to be disciplined by respecting the elders, punctuality and completing the works given on time. It is a very important aspect in order for you to gain respect from others and even to have a better job when we reach adulthood.

     So, it is very obvious that going to school is as important as having your meal three times a day. It is a place where you would hate going to but will eventually miss it when you leave. It is clear as crystal now that school is not as bad as you think it is.

Society these days.

     Name one person that is perfect in every aspect, hurry, because you might just win a chance to insult me. Thought so. There aren't any. There's no one in this world who is perfect, none. That's not how the world works. If everyone is perfect, what is there to live for. There won't be the need to overcome our fears, achieve happiness, and basically going through tests and hardships that was assigned by god. The world would be a peaceful and a better place to live in. But is that what we really want? Take just one minute to think about it. If everyone is perfect from a to z, would we know what our weakness are? Would we try harder to improve ourself as a human being? Would we be a great leader? Would we live life to the fullest and not take things for granted? What would your answers be?

     In this world of ours, there isn't anyone who is perfect. However, we simply live our life to learn how to be a better person. Sure others might be better than you at other aspects but are you certain that they can do better with what you do best? We try to learn from others and others will learn from you too. It's a win-win situation. What we are weak in, we learn and seek help from others to improve it. What we are good in, we share with others so that that gift of ours will strengthen. That is the way it should be.

     Sadly, things have changed not for the better but for the worse. People and I mean"society" these days like to judge and compare others. They ask you to be yourself yet they judge you. So what's the point of trying to please them. Be yourself for yourself. It might be hard to find others that would like you for who you really are but it is bound to happen. It was never that easy to have what you want. You need to be patience and just believe. And besides, it is way better than being accepted by the society for who they want you to be and not be who you really are.

     If they were to judge you, let it be. I might just live life for like only 16 years but I know that much. Just ignore it. It might be hard to do but try, just try because trying to change yourself for them isn't really worth it. Karma will do it's deed. They might judge you for your weaknesses but that does't mean that they are that perfect too. Everyone are bound to have weaknesses but what set us apart is how we handle our weakness and how we overcome it. Do please yourself for you and not others because it is your life your living anyway, not theirs. So, when others judge you ignore it because you yourself know well enough that there is nothing that can possibly please society.

The gate of hell!

Firstly, yesterday was the first day of school after two and a half weeks of school holiday. I would be lying if I say that I spent my life studying, heck I didn't even even complete my handouts but thank god I finished it in the early morning, right before class start. But yesterday was a lazy day. You would think why is it a lazy day when it is the first day of school  after the holiday. Well that's because out of 5 subjects only one teacher came in to teach, well not exactly teach but to handout my test paper and trust I did good for that subject *note the sarcasm*. I would be crying out tears of joy if I even pass that paper. But like they say learn from your mistakes so, I'm trying my best to have a better result though and hoping that it will bare fruit by giving me a better result soon. For the rest of the day I just talk with my friends, completing my notes and some other nonsense. It is indeed a lazy day for me. But today is different.  More teachers came into class, handing out papers for the semester exam and don't even question me about it cuz I did not do a great job for this  exam but I'll just accept it no matter what and try my very very very best for the next coming exam *crossing my fingers*. I'm pretty sure everyone of you hate to walk through that gate of hell (the school if you don't get it) well, except for all the adults working out there but I will surely miss going to school once I graduated from high school which is this end of the year by the way. So, try to enjoy every moment of hmyour high school life even though it can be a pain in your ass and I am sure you won't regret it unless you seriously hate school but hey, I don't blame you cuz it's your life anyway. You can hate who you want but I hope that I'm not one of them, right? Right. *sheepish smile* :)

It's a feast

Tonight all of my relatives have gathered and as you can see in the pic above, we had a feast *grins* but this is just half of the dishes that we had. There is so much food that it is even enough to feed my whole family for 3 days. Anyway, we had a great time. We laugh, we tell jokes, we gossip (hehehe), we even cut cakes. Okay not everyone cut the cakes, only my aunts and two of my cousins cut the cake since they're birthday is in May. Overall it was a fun night. Happy Saturday to all you humans out there ;) 

Procrastinate

Yes I know that procrastinating is really bad but I just can't help it. It's school holiday and why do I have do home works. I would rather lay in my bed all day long and just read and read and read. I can't even go on a day without reading at least one book on wattpad. It's my only source of entertainment well that is if you exclude eating and watching the tv. :) There goes my rant again.*signs*. Anyway this holiday, I've been given lots of exercises and notes to do this freaking holiday and I ain't doing anything besides procrastinate. I seriously need to do something about my laziness. I mean, I am sitting for this major examination this November and it will be my ticket to get into college and have a better future. I've always wanted to be a doctor (a skin specialised and don't even ask why cuz I myself have no idea) since I was like 10 and six years has passed and it seems like that dream is slowly fading away like the clouds. Now I'm not sure what I want to be and work as in the future. I know it is still a long way to go since I'm still in high school but I can't help to think about my god damn future.It's actually quite scary when I think about it. This is sadly my last year in high school and I am really shocked to realize that times fly really quickly. Not that I'm saying I had the best time of my life in high school but hey, you've got to admit that they are some fun rite? It's like suddenly you'll be saying goodbyes to your best friends, friends, juniors, enemies (not like I have one, well I hope so) and teachers that patiently guide me for the better. I just really hate goodbyes especially when you spent like the last five years with them and are already fond with them and then you have to say goodbye and leave. That's just cruel don't you think? Well I seriously need to stop my rant cuz I'm probably just wasting you precious time reading my crap. And I am so motivated to do my home work now, wait, who am I kidding, I'll just go read another book again. Hahaha... Adios!